2014

Today, the office’s steady hum of keyboard clicks and weather conversations was wonderfully interrupted by bouncing footsteps and footballs as several kids roamed the halls.  It’s New Year’s Eve, and with most kids off from school, parents were forced to either hire a babysitter or “divide and conquer,” as one coworker told me—“Dad’s at home with the baby, and I’m here with this little guy.”  The squealing, miniature humans were a welcome addition to the already-stirring holiday excitement at work.

At one point during the day, I walked in to the kitchenette to find one such little girl, probably no more than seven years old, reaching to fill her bottle in the water cooler.  Not wanting to scare or intimidate her, I didn’t say anything at first.  And then she took the lead:

“Have I seen you yet?”

I smiled and looked back at her, “No, I don’t think we’ve met!  My name is Allison.  What’s yours?” 

“McKinley, but my little brother calls me Kinley.”

We exchanged a few more words, and our conversation ended with her asking me if I would be here later this week (she’s coming back).

I was so struck by McKinley’s openness, gentleness, and kind spirit, and soon the words of Christ whispered to my memory:

“Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” (Luke 18:16-17)

How incredible that childhood holds the secrets to a life of faith!  How often I try to prove my knowledge of scripture, learn more theology, and defend more ideology.  How often I try to accomplish more for God and go to more places for His name.

What I could stand to do is be more like McKinley: befriend others and be gentle, open.

I pray that in 2014, my pursuit of spiritual maturity does not propel me forward toward lofty intelligence but backwards toward child-like love and faithfulness.

Fully clean

If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard the phrase: 

“I know deep down [they’re] a good person.” 

...I’d have piles of dimes too high to climb.  But the Gospel, a new paradigm, does not tell us we’re good inside.  It tells us that we’re sick, we’ve fallen short, we are in need.  And Jesus, Son of God, comes and makes us clean. 

But now, I find that a new lie has come alive.  A lie that lets me think that “deep down inside” I’m still that sick, lost, depraved soul that I once was.  A lie that makes me feel like my righteousness is layers of clothing I put on, making me warmer and warmer until you rip the zippers, tear apart the seams and see the real me—withered, cold.  A lie that assumes my attempts to live clean are just those—attempts, that very often fall short.  When I am successfully “walking in step with the Spirit”—avoiding temptation, standing up to sin, loving from an overflow of joy within—it feels like merely an act; soon I’ll walk off stage and go back to being me. 

The “me” that longs for less than God’s best.   
The “me” that has a continual lust for more.   
The “me” that’s stuck.   
The “me” whose desires wreak havoc and devour my soul. 

But my life is not a tight rope, and what’s “right” is not a cloak I don.  The old is totally gone.  The stage I’m standing on is grace, and I will not be replaced with an under study or anybody who’s not me, redeemed.  I’m fully clean, through and through.  I don’t always do what I should do or what I want to do but if there’s one thing that’s always true it’s that I have what I don’t deserve—salvation. 


Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17) 

You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you…If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his spirit who dwells in you. (Romans 8:9-11) 

And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses. (Colossians 2:13) 

Eating pears in peace

This morning, after getting in to work at 6:56am and getting right to work, I had approximately 8 minutes before my 8:00 meeting.  I grabbed the pear I had packed in my Vera Bradley lunch bag along with three stiff paper towels from our company break room and sat back down in the exact spot where I spend at least 160 hours per month (one of which I'd already put in this morning) my desk chair.  I took one bite and my mind immediately raced again to what I could look at, read, accomplish.  What small task could I accomplish in the (now) 7 minutes before my meeting?  What website could I pull up to blur my eyes over for a few minutes?  Who has instagrammed since the last time I checked?

But this morning, I decided to wait.  Pear juice flowing down my chin, puddling on the paper towels below and splashing on to the space bar of my keyboard, I decided to spend just a few minutes in peace.

I realized how little time I allow for peace to work its way in, and then I wonder why I don't have any.  Too much work, too much social media, too much stimulation. Be still and know. 

Trouble, Trouble, Trouble

“Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour.  Father, glorify your name!” (John 12:27)

If we find ourselves in life circumstances that are difficult, perhaps we must consider that there is a “very reason” for us being there.  At the least, we can know that there was a “very reason” for Jesus to be in His moments of difficultly, and so we can rejoicingly participate with Him in suffering (1 Peter 4:13).

Certainly, none of us are Jesus.  Not one of us is destined to die for the salvation of all mankind.  I think about the countless times in the book of Psalms where David pleas with God for help…

“Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to me neck…”

“Deliver me from sinking in the mire…”

“O Lord, do not delay”

“Rescue me, O God, from the hand of the wicked…”

“O my God, make haste to help me!”

Asking God to save us from our trouble is not wrong.  But we must realize what our trouble may be accomplishing and the significance it might have.  Not the least of which is that our suffering increases our dependency on Christ.  And our choice to actually depend on Him in trouble—to sit in our moments of anxiety, sadness, confusion, and turmoil believing that Christ is the only solid rock on which we stand rather than retreating to vices or distractions—will “glorify His name”.

Gravity

Gravity wants to bring me down.

Keep me where the light is.

His Mighty Power

When you can’t write or sing or run.  When you can’t clean or cook or cook and clean.  When you can’t be together.  When you can’t lift a fist to morning.  When you can’t slow down enough to hear your thoughts.  When how you are is “good”.

“Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.” (Ephesians 6:10)

Twenty Twelve

For some reason I didn’t give much thought to the fact that yesterday was the last day of the year.  Maybe it’s because once you enter the working world, New Year’s Eve feels pretty much just like any other Saturday night.  I did, however, start yesterday, December 31, 2012, by Instagram-ing the following picture and accompanying caption:

At the time, it was just another beautiful sunrise over Mt. Washington and an obvious choice for a witty remark.

But as the rhythms of closing out a year played on around me, I felt the Lord tell me that I really do need to do some “telling”.

“I will recount the steadfast love of the Lord, the praises of the Lord, according to all that the Lord has granted us, and the great goodness to the house of Israel that he has granted them according to his compassion, according to the abundance of his steadfast love.” (Isaiah 63:7)

And so I want to proclaim some of what the Lord has done this year.  Some of what He has taught me.  Some of the places He has taken me.  Some of the blessings He has given me.

Granted, each of the 365 days of this year was a gift, so this list is not nearly comprehensive.  But let us give Him praise! 

In 2012, the Lord…

Strengthened my relationships with Thomas, MK, and Pete despite the four of us being the furthest we’ve ever been from each other (physically).  He allowed us to text, ask advice, laugh, fight, and be an encouragement to one another.

Gave me wonderfully valuable time with the “Oxygenites”—my first and enduring community of brothers and sisters in Christ.

Taught me, through experience, more than I ever knew about spiritual warfare.  He helped me learn how to equip myself with the armor of God.  I learned how to truly FIGHT through my emotions and circumstances and stand on the truth of God’s word.

Led me through a difficult season of anxiety, depression, and a general feeling that I had lost myself and had no control over my emotions and reactions.  He brought me wise counsel, gracious friends and family, and freed me to accept God’s sovereign control over my life.  (I am still learning how to give Him that control each day.)

Cultivated in me a deep love for Scripture.  Most days now I long to read His Word!

Provided me with my first full-time, big-girl job with a salary.

Through a string of summer weddings and God’s grace, allowed me to see my family a lot.  Gave me new appreciation for the relationships that will always be there, and taught me about treasuring the short times I get with them.

Let me move back to the city (complete with a Pittsburgh mailing address) after a nine-month stint in Sewickley.  I fell in love all over again with the skyline, narrow streets with lots of people, and 376 East and West.

Gave me precious time with both sets of my grandparents.  Helped me realize how incredibly blessed I am to have generations of family members who value teaching their kids how to serve the Lord.

Gave me the opportunity to be a bridesmaid two times over!  Blessed me with rich, long-lasting friendships and so many earthly symbols of His commitment to us.

Opened my eyes to more of the spiritual realities around me, largely in part from writing in my new blog.

Brought me new and unexpected friendships with people of different ages, backgrounds, and life stages and encouraged my soul through each one of them.

Let me go on some dates; taught me new things about myself and how to like myself more.  Gave me the privilege of being served.

Provided me humbling opportunities to lead others in worship—puhhhhrayyyyze HIM!

Gave me new appreciation for His creation and sunlight by allowing me to fall in like with running (wouldn’t quite call it “falling in love”). 

All glory and honor to Him in 2012, 2013, and forever!  I am so thankful :)