That's a "rap"!

Well, I’ve come to the last day of my 40-day blogging spree, and after a little vulnerability and some falling-asleep-writing-this-on-my-phone posts, it looks like we made it (to the tune of Shania Twain)!

I think probably my favorite thing I’ve gained from this exercise is the way it has opened my eyes to the spiritual realities I encounter every day.

Francis Schaeffer in his book The God Who Is There says, “The more logical a man who holds a non-Christian position is to his own presuppositions, the further he is from the real world.”  In other words—people who feel they have a clearly defined explanation for why the Gospel and its meaning are not true are out of touch with reality.  Harsh, but true.  When you walk in the Light, you realize why things are how they are, because they’re real.  Every now and then you get this tremendous feeling of knowing that you are living in touch with what the universe was created for! 

Even small, seemingly insignificant things take on meaning.  I’ve had several of these experiences in just the last few days—where I realized why certain things are:

Why I can’t stop listening to rap music:

God’s word tells us that “a cheerful heart is good medicine.”  So true!--Sometimes you just gotta #GO!  I find that often I need to encourage myself and pick myself up, knowing I’ve got the Spirit inside of me.  I need to choose to put on a good attitude and let the prescription WORK!  Sometimes (a lot of times/all the time) I listen to rap music to engage my cheerful heart.  Kan’ is “just tryna change the color on ya moodring”.

Why road rage makes me sad:

I travel to and from work every day in rush hour traffic, and I’m usually driving somewhere in the city almost every night.  Which means that at least once a day someone cuts me off, I forget my blinker, someone doesn’t yield, etc. But instead of getting mad—regardless of whose fault it was—I get sad.  I get a sinking feeling every time I see one of my fellow drivers getting road rage, and I realized that’s because I know “the Father of compassion” (2 Corinthians 1:3).  I wish everyone would just love each other, not in a 70’s-hippie kind of way but in a I’ve-got-the-Spirit-of-Love kind of way.

Why I’m okay with my room being messy:

I’m a Lebo, which means cleanliness and organization are written in my DNA.  And while it’s true that cleaning dishes really is one of my favorite hobbies, my room gets pretty messy, and I don’t really mind.  I sort of consider my messy room evidence of an “abundant life” (John 10:10).  Not to say you have to forego being organized to live abundantly, but for me, in this stage of life, I am compelled to spend my time when I get home from work resting, engaging God’s creation in nature, or spending time with the brothers and sisters who encourage my soul—life to the FULL!

When you walk with Christ and consider Him, you realize that all of life really is about His truth.  I’m thankful that these last 40 days have helped me to stay in touch with that truth.  As for what comes next?  I think I will spend the next 40 days fulfilling my dream of eating fro-yo for every meal—just kidding…that wouldn’t be much of a diversion from the usual.

Fuh real doh, I’m going to keep blogging, just probably not every day.  This verse I posted a few days ago is my guide for the future:

“Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.” (Psalm 51:6)

I want the Lord’s truth to live inside of me—deep inside of me—to the “secret heart” where even blog posts do not go.

Birthday Blogger

Here's a guest blog post from the birthday girl, Gabby!  Interesting insight in light (literally) of my post yesterday regarding the ways God fulfills each of our inborn needs.  There is such a razor thin line between needing things and people and needing things and people (read that sentence with the same tone as you would the question, "Do you like her, or do you like like her?").  Surely God provides all we need in Him, but there is no question that we are also sustained by things He created.  Some mysteries of God remain unfathomable (Job 11:7).

Anyways, not sure if I'm cheating by using a guest blog post during my 40-day blogging challenge...but go shawty, it's yaa burffday:

Horizontal lines. Direct lines. This is what we are taught, as kids, is best. The fastest way to get from one point to another is a straight line. When you have a problem, go straight to the source. Direct flights are always better than connections. You get the idea. Here's the thing: I think this is where we go terribly wrong in almost every relationship we've ever had. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but it's at least a temptation that I fall into nearly every day.

Let me try to explain what I mean. We have needs, and the Lord has put people in our lives to help us fill them. If we're in full-time ministry, we NEED supporters; when we are hurting and lonely, we NEED friends to comfort us; when we have surgery or other health issues, we NEED someone to take care of us. But too often we look to those people directly, and if they don't come through we feel angry and abandoned.

If we could alter our perspective ever so slightly and make that horizontal line look more like an upside down V a (  /\  so to speak )  we will better understand what God means when He says He gives us the privilege/responsibility to be His hands and feet. We must seek Him, ask Him, expect Him to fulfill those needs. He, in turn, can put it on other peoples’ hearts to serve us in whatever way we are needing, and they can respond by serving the Lord. We are simply the recipients of that obedience.

What We Have

I was encouraged recently to create a list of things we (I) seek in relationships and accompanying scripture that promises we (I) already have all of those things in the Lord.  It’s kind of a cheesy exercise, but it affirms that our desires for relationship are actually innate—they should not make us feel guilty or needy because they were created in us by God.  The promise, however, is that He is also the one who fulfills all of those needs.

Here is a sampling of the list I created (in the context of “the royal we” so that it doesn’t sound as real and personal as it actually is for me :) )

We want to be deeply known by someone who understands us better than anyone else

• “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.” (Luke 12:7)
• “O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise.  You perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down.  You are familiar with all my ways.” (Psalm 139:2-3)
• "For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” (Psalm 139:13)
• “I have called you by name, you are mine.” (Isaiah 43:1)

We want closeness

• "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

We want a helper, someone who will encourage us when we aren’t confident

• “The Lord is with me. He is my helper” (Psalm 118:7)
• “Surely God is my help. The Lord is the one who sustains me.” (Psalm 54:4)

We want to feel loved

• “The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17)

We want someone to always be there all the time and never leave us alone

• “The Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)
• “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you” (Isaiah 43:2)

"For this world in its present form is passing away." (1 Corinthians 7:31)

Remembering what's important today...we are not here for long!

Gavin

"There's nothing like the warmth of the one who has put in the time and you know is gonna be there."

Tonight I saw the show Fiddler on the Roof! Great show with an unexpected ending, and I'm still unsure as to why it's called Fiddler on the Roof (although I also couldn't follow a minute of The Dark Knight Rises at the drive-in last night, so maybe I'm just having an off weekend). Anyway, lots of Old Testament Biblical references in the show, which I loved. I decided to re-read the story of Jacob and Rachel and Leah tonight before bed after it was mentioned in the play.

"So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her." (Genesis 29:20)

Love does not make sense. It does not tell time or keep records. And the greatest of these is love.

Secret Heart

"Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart." (Psalm 51:6)

Fridge Space

After one of the longest days I've had in awhile, I found myself leaving work at 7pm needing to be in Wexford by 8pm with no time to stop at home and 20 lbs. of frozen meat in my trunk. Just another day at the office.

Praise God for the body of Christ in Sewickley (en route to Wexford from work)--Nella and two shelves of her refrigerator space where I stored my boxes until I was on my way back home.

The Lord taught me such a simple lesson in that random act of kindness: Don't ever let your life become so full that you don't have time for things that just come up...in other words, leave some space in your refrigerator.

I think about Jesus and the fact that He was God incarnate--easily the credentials for being one of the biggest celebrities of all time. And He spent some time preaching to large crowds of people or gathering the disciples together for an intentional conversation. But most of His encounters with people seemed to be pretty...random. He didn't pack his day full of speaking engagements or set aside these hours for work and these hours for "ministry.". He spoke to women at wells on the sides of streets, men in trees in the back of crowds, and blind men he saw while he was traveling.

How often my life is scheduled with work, social activities, and ministry activities that I never leave any time for the Lord to work in randomness.

Gotta clean out that fridge.

I think, therefore, He is.

Philosophy was probably my third-least favorite class in college.  The only reason it wasn’t my absolute least favorite was because my brother and I took the class together.  We had fun laughing at how our European professor pronounced the words “mango lassi”…and looking up what that is because only European philosophy professors use words like “mango lassi.”

But I quite literally never understood what was going on in that class…I didn’t follow the arguments or even get what we were arguing about most times.  And I think I got an A+.  Which further proves my distaste for philosophy based on the fact that it just doesn’t make sense.

That being said, I want to make a philosophical argument.  (Well, I don’t really know if it’s a philosophical argument because I don’t understand philosophy—but I think it might be close.)

I want to start by asserting that the most important thing in life is Christ and Christ crucified.  It is the only thing Paul decided to know (2 Corinthians 2:2).  More important than how I am growing in Christ or what I am learning or the trials I am going through is the fact that Jesus Christ lived, died, and lives again to save all of human history.  Done and done!

If Christ is the most important thing in all of life, it follows that the most important thing in my life is my ability to be a better Christian.  Of course salvation does not depend how “good” I am (actually, my salvation depends on how lost I once was).  But I should be striving for my life to be in line with that which is most important in all of life.

Here we could speculate about what being a “better Christian” (“better” meaning better than I am now, not better than someone else) means.  But I think it probably means getting closer and closer to what Christ is like, because Christ is our life (Colossians 3:4).  And as much as we think maturing in our faith means getting further away from the “Sunday school” answers, sometimes that’s really what it comes back to.  Becoming a “better Christian” probably means all of the things you would think it means: Loving people better.  Serving others above myself more.  Being more humble.  Being more faithful.  Becoming more content.  Sharing the Gospel.  Etc. etc.

And so, if the most important thing in life is Christ, and, therefore, the most important thing in my life is becoming more like Christ, it follows that each and every thing in my life should be evaluated according to how it makes me be a better Christian. 

Now, almost anything could either make me a better Christian or not make me a better Christian.  For example—playing guitar.  I could use my guitar to sing praises to God, lead others in worship to Him, bring me together in fellowship with other people, produce joy in my heart, etc.  Or I could spend 23 hours a day playing every Gavin DeGraw song on guitar and never think once about others or Christ.  Extreme example, I know, but I think it proves that most things in life, for this purpose, are not black and white.  Insomuch as something is not inherently evil with no redemptive value, it may hold the ability to make me a better Christian (things like lying, cheating, illicit drugs—I don’t think those things will ever make me a better Christian—just say “no”).

So, a bunch of things could make me more like Christ.  That being said, my concern does not need to be so much with trying to control the different things in my life or overanalyze their role therein (philosophers would definitely use the word “therein”).  My chief concern when thinking about anything in life can simply be, “How can this make me a better Christian?”

How can my relationship with so-and-so make me a better Christian?  How can my job make me a better Christian?  How can my iPhone make me a better Christian?  How can my morning cup of coffee make me a better Christian?  How can going on vacation make me a better Christian?

If something in life isn’t currently contributing to making me a better Christian, I should consider how it could.  Some effort or sacrifice might be involved in adjusting something in my life so that it does make me a better Christian.  And after running that test, if I determine something simply won’t or can’t make me a better Christian, I should thoughtfully consider disengaging it.

I’m not saying life has to become an endless mind game where I am constantly evaluating everything I’m doing.  Actually, I think it makes life simpler and, in some ways, more free to live this way, knowing that everything I do and interact with has a centralized purpose.

Have I been sippin' too much of the mango lassi?  Maybe.  All I know is that I want to be more like Christ each day.  Please, Jesus, make me more like You.

Holy Spirit Embarassment

This afternoon Kylie and I met for a quick coffee break at our usual Bridgeville meeting spot, La Bella Bean (if you’ve ever come to Bridgeville to have lunch or coffee with me, this is also our usual spot—because it’s the only cool place in Bridgeville).  I am so excited because A) The Lord faithfully provided an awesome job for Kylie B) She no longer has to spend five hours a night crafting color-coded PDF updates on her job search (hehe love you, Kylie! J) C) I will now have a new working friend in Bridgeville and D) We will hopefully become regulars at La Bella Bean and they’ll know our order as soon as we walk in.

Anyways, Kylie and I were chatting while I was standing in line to order my afternoon coffee when a cute little girl came running through the door in to the arms of one of the employees.  We wondered what the relationship is between the two girls, and we dropped our voices a bit while commenting that the girl working behind the counter looked too young for that to be her daughter.  I didn’t think much about it until later when I saw the employee nod to us with an upset look and whisper to her coworker that “those girls” had been talking about her and her daughter.

#humbled.

I immediately zoned out of my conversation with Kylie and got a pit in my stomach.  We knew what we had to do.  I believe Kylie even used the phrase “cloak it in love”—#christiangirlproblemz.  So before leaving we quietly apologized to the employee and her coworkers and even stayed and chatted a bit with all of the employees who are so sweet.

Being humbled, even to the point of embarrassment, is such amazing testimony to the Spirit of Christ living inside of me!  After the hard part of apologizing was over (and yes, I think I got hives during my apology), I was so EXCITED to remember that I have the presence of God in me!  I can imagine there are people who could have cared less if they saw others calling them out on their gossip.  There are probably people who would have even fired back (I’m playing out a scene in my head right now where the girl in my position stands up in the restaurant and shouts, “I will cut ‘chu!”…I think I’ve been listening to too much rap music).  But the Spirit inside of me was grieved by knowing that I had done wrong to someone, and He wouldn’t let me leave until I made it right.

It is sooo so so great to live in the light.  Even as I thought about writing this post, I decided it couldn’t wait until tonight because I needed to write while it was still light out.  It’s just better.

Hi(ves), nice to meet you.

I distinctly remember that several years ago I Google’ed “red rash on neck,” hoping there was some legitimate medical abnormality that could explain the blotchy red art that is frequently painted across my neck
and chest.  I thought for sure I could find a WebMd diagnosis, get some treatment, and be on my fair-skinned way.

Not so.  It’s hives.  That’s all.  My porcelain (AKA white) skin is simply prone to breaking out when I am in unfamiliar, uncertain, or uncomfortable situations.  If you’ve known me for any length of time, you are sure to have encountered my scarlet neckline in any number of scenarios.  If you pointed it out—it probably got worse.  You have probably even been invited to “walk and talk” if we had something particularly emotional or heavy to discuss, mostly because it eases my nerves and lets me focus less on the fact that my face is likely turning in to a rose garden.

I wish I could say I have come to be less embarrassed about my blushing, but that’s probably not true.  What I do love, though, is that my hives are always a sure sign that things are getting real.  Being vulnerable, having difficult conversations, surprises, confessing, being honest, talking about things that should have been talked about weeks/months/years ago, facing fears—these are the things that make life dynamic and worthwhile.  These are the living parts of life. 

I have had so many opportunities lately for things to just “get real,” and it’s great.  The Lord keeps me humbled with hives in those moments, but life is so full in the real moments.  Totally worth it.

Battlefield

Some days my mind is a battlefield (what is the Jordin Sparks song reference here?). I feel like all day long I'm thinking and analyzing and re-thinking and feeling discouraged then hopeful then self-conscious then strengthened. I worry, I plan, then I surrender, and I feel victory.

Some days it's a tiring cycle.

But today I was so thankful for this cycle. Scripture talks about the battle:

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but...against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12)

There is a war that is going on for my life--a life that follows Christ. And when I feel it, I remember that it's real. I'd rather wage war and get a little bruised than not feel a thing because I forgot to fight. The enemy doesn't want us to fight.

I don't think I am destined for a life full of nothing but tiring warfare. There is JOY because the battle is won! But there is "a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace." (Ecclesiastes 3)

I am waging war in my mind on behalf of the God who created the earth and sky...not a bad assignment.

[Apologies for the very real post...I blame my new Blogger app that lets me write blog posts on my iPhone as I'm laying in bed falling asleep :) ]

Green grass

Pedals float lightly, holding the weight of "forever"
This is a new beginning
The first day
Music plays to the sound of "together"
Nothing will ever be the same
But for us, party dresses and bobby pins fade in to a night of normalcy
Behind thin sheets of glass a chip and a putt are nothing but that
Do they think the grass is any greener?
Lives drive by as wives say "bye" and drives lie in the middle of the fairway
But we all lie in green pastures

Not Guilty

Mmmm.

Thank you, Jesus, that "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation" (2 Cor. 5:17), and regardless of how the world perceives, "there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).

Standing on the truth today!

Rock Moves

I feel like my blog is so serious.

It has been a legitimate fear of mine since I've entered the real working world, complete with a salary and knee-highs, that I am becoming less fun. This time one year ago my job responsibilities included jumping on inflatable bounce houses and fist pumping with preschoolers. This is about as fun as work gets these days:

My bubbles screen saver.

I really do love Jesus, and I love hearing from Him and gaining understanding. I also love having fun and not thinking too much.

Tonight I laid down for a nap at 8pm (always risky), and as I was falling asleep I told myself, "If I wake up from this nap and it is still today, I'm doing something FUN!" My soul just needed that today. So I surprised my best buddy Pete at work, watched him dance with a 4-foot spoon in the window of Pier 1 while he cleaned up and I sat in the trunk of my truck. (I think I like calling it a truck.) I drank coffee outside at my favorite restaurant at 10pm, drove with the windows down even after it got too cold, and bought fro-yo for $0.48. I wish I had a good joke to tell.

In the words of my soul sister, Pink, and my "most inseparable friend", MK:
I GOT MY ROCK MOVES!
I'M HAVIN' MORE FUN!

Night (mornin'), y'all!

Church Things: Part 2

A couple of months ago I felt compelled to write down in my journal things I know about myself.  Let me say here (as I’ve said in previous posts)—“finding myself” is not something I necessarily adhere to.  I’m not searching for a clearly-labeled definition of “me”.  I don’t want to be the kind, preppy girl.  Or the funny, loud girl.  Or the doesn’t-have-a-care girl.  Or the likes coffee and conversation girl.  I want to be whoever God has me to be for a given purpose (like Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 9).

That being said, I do believe that God has created each of us uniquely.  And there are things about our character and personalities that are useful to observe because they were designed by God for a given purpose (also: discovering the ways God will use our individual traits and strengths to advance His kingdom is the joy of life and the foundation of our calling…thank you, Pittsburgh Fellows for nurturing this insight!). 

I wrote in my journal about how I am affectionate.  This means one of my favorite things to do in church is put my arms around those I’m sitting next to.  Preferably, my arms are spread behind the person on my left and the person on my right.  Even when the narrow backing of our church’s stacking chairs allow little space for me to rest my forearms, it’s okay, I’m not afraid to graze your back or even use your opposite shoulder to hook my hand around.

There is joy in getting to know who the Lord has made you to be.  And if you ever find yourself next to me on a Sunday morning…prepare to be embraced :)

Presenting: A running tour of my favorite city

I love Pittsburgh.  But I love a lot of things: like my window AC unit, hummus, and 48 Hours Mystery.  The thing is, few things make me come alive like Pittsburgh does.

Have you ever had a moment where Heaven felt really close?  I can remember a couple of times that were particularly like that.  My weeks spent in Kenya felt like that.  Of course, Heaven doesn't move, but sometimes there are places and scenarios that just make it feel more tangible.

Lately, as I've been running through the city streets of Pittsburgh--exploring new routes to the soundtrack of passing cars and pedestrians and always letting myself stop to talk to cute kids or take in the scenery--it has felt as if Heaven is closer.  It probably has something to do with endorphins.  But I think it also has something to do with the new heavens and new earth.  God's Word tells us Heaven will be a city--a "new Jerusalem" (Revelation 21).  Something in the buildings--enormous structures built from the ground up--and the people and the activity replicates Heaven.

I took my phone with me while I ran today so I could take pictures of the city that is teaching me about my inheritance.  The Lord whispered verse after verse to me as I ran and simply took life in.  I soooo hope this is what Heaven is like--sure feels like it!  Enjoy the view!...

Yesterday these fountains were filled with TONS of cute kids keeping cool!

"With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation" (Isaiah 12:3)

That's my point (see what I did there?)

"There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God" (Psalm 46:4)

One of my fave views from anywhere in the city!

"He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake." (Psalm 23:3)

"Nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God" (Romans 8:39)

Almost home!

#LEGGO

"If you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20)

"But they who wait for the Lord will renew their strength, they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not be weary, they will walk not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31)

"As they were at first"

I think the most wicked scheme of the devil is when he takes something good and uses it for evil. Things like murder and abuse and death and lonliness—those belong to the devil, we expect those from him. But good things—every good and perfect thing—those belong to God. How dare Satan mess with the good things, but he does it anyway.

I've had good things. Life-giving, soul-satisfying, make-me-better kind of things. And then Satan went to work.

“Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”

(1 Peter 5:8)

But there is this promise:

“Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them and reveal to them abundance of prosperity and security. I will restore the fortunes of Judah and the fortunes of Israel, and rebuild them as they were at first. I will cleanse them from all the guilt of their sin against me, and I will forgive all the guilt of their sin and rebellion against me.” (Jeremiah 33:6-8)


He won't just heal, He'll restore! He will "rebuild them as they were at first"! He will make things as they were meant to be!

I have so much hope today.

Evil things that belong to the devil—God will bring us out of those things. He will work in them to relieve us of their painful hold. But good things, we'll get those back. As they once were. Under Christ's authority. Hallelujah!

"Let's bring it back (bring it back!)" -Jay Sean/Lil Jon

Church Things: Part 1

I am a stage 5 church cryer. No shame. The hanging lanterns can barely begin to dim and that first note on the standing bass can barely be plucked before my emotions—those God-given emotions that bring realness to life—are stirred. And I am in tears.

Admittedly, most often my tears in church are tears of conviction. In the presence of saints and a room full of worship, my eyes are opened to my sin and it becomes heavy on my heart; I am lead to tearful repentance. I cry because I am broken and weak. Or sometimes the Lord puts a certain situation on my heart during worship. He brings to mind one of His children or a particularly difficult situation on the earth He created. And I cry for that.

But today in church, I was almost startled by my tears. All of the sudden my blinks became heavy, but my heart did not share the same weight. Surely there is imperfection in me, there are people and places that are hurting, but in that moment, my tears overflowed from a different well. And all I felt was love. These were less like the tears of a toddler who just got caught making art on the walls and more like the tears your grandma sheds just because she sees you. These words of the song we were singing spoke to me further:

You carry me close to your heart
And surely your goodness and mercy will follow me

The Lord convicts and leads us to repentance. He breaks our heart for the things of His kingdom. But I think what He really longs to do most is pour His love out to us and watch us find delight in it.

“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.  He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you but will rejoice over you with singing.”

(Zephaniah 3:17)

I want to be moved by His love more and more. Because after the lights turn back on and our singing stops, God still sings His song of delight. I must believe that outside four walls and Sunday mornings.