Church Things: Part 1

I am a stage 5 church cryer. No shame. The hanging lanterns can barely begin to dim and that first note on the standing bass can barely be plucked before my emotions—those God-given emotions that bring realness to life—are stirred. And I am in tears.

Admittedly, most often my tears in church are tears of conviction. In the presence of saints and a room full of worship, my eyes are opened to my sin and it becomes heavy on my heart; I am lead to tearful repentance. I cry because I am broken and weak. Or sometimes the Lord puts a certain situation on my heart during worship. He brings to mind one of His children or a particularly difficult situation on the earth He created. And I cry for that.

But today in church, I was almost startled by my tears. All of the sudden my blinks became heavy, but my heart did not share the same weight. Surely there is imperfection in me, there are people and places that are hurting, but in that moment, my tears overflowed from a different well. And all I felt was love. These were less like the tears of a toddler who just got caught making art on the walls and more like the tears your grandma sheds just because she sees you. These words of the song we were singing spoke to me further:

You carry me close to your heart
And surely your goodness and mercy will follow me

The Lord convicts and leads us to repentance. He breaks our heart for the things of His kingdom. But I think what He really longs to do most is pour His love out to us and watch us find delight in it.

“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.  He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you but will rejoice over you with singing.”

(Zephaniah 3:17)

I want to be moved by His love more and more. Because after the lights turn back on and our singing stops, God still sings His song of delight. I must believe that outside four walls and Sunday mornings.