Tonight I saw the show Fiddler on the Roof! Great show with an unexpected ending, and I'm still unsure as to why it's called Fiddler on the Roof (although I also couldn't follow a minute of The Dark Knight Rises at the drive-in last night, so maybe I'm just having an off weekend). Anyway, lots of Old Testament Biblical references in the show, which I loved. I decided to re-read the story of Jacob and Rachel and Leah tonight before bed after it was mentioned in the play.

"So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her." (Genesis 29:20)

Love does not make sense. It does not tell time or keep records. And the greatest of these is love.

Secret Heart

"Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart." (Psalm 51:6)

Fridge Space

After one of the longest days I've had in awhile, I found myself leaving work at 7pm needing to be in Wexford by 8pm with no time to stop at home and 20 lbs. of frozen meat in my trunk. Just another day at the office.

Praise God for the body of Christ in Sewickley (en route to Wexford from work)--Nella and two shelves of her refrigerator space where I stored my boxes until I was on my way back home.

The Lord taught me such a simple lesson in that random act of kindness: Don't ever let your life become so full that you don't have time for things that just come up...in other words, leave some space in your refrigerator.

I think about Jesus and the fact that He was God incarnate--easily the credentials for being one of the biggest celebrities of all time. And He spent some time preaching to large crowds of people or gathering the disciples together for an intentional conversation. But most of His encounters with people seemed to be pretty...random. He didn't pack his day full of speaking engagements or set aside these hours for work and these hours for "ministry.". He spoke to women at wells on the sides of streets, men in trees in the back of crowds, and blind men he saw while he was traveling.

How often my life is scheduled with work, social activities, and ministry activities that I never leave any time for the Lord to work in randomness.

Gotta clean out that fridge.

I think, therefore, He is.

Philosophy was probably my third-least favorite class in college.  The only reason it wasn’t my absolute least favorite was because my brother and I took the class together.  We had fun laughing at how our European professor pronounced the words “mango lassi”…and looking up what that is because only European philosophy professors use words like “mango lassi.”

But I quite literally never understood what was going on in that class…I didn’t follow the arguments or even get what we were arguing about most times.  And I think I got an A+.  Which further proves my distaste for philosophy based on the fact that it just doesn’t make sense.

That being said, I want to make a philosophical argument.  (Well, I don’t really know if it’s a philosophical argument because I don’t understand philosophy—but I think it might be close.)

I want to start by asserting that the most important thing in life is Christ and Christ crucified.  It is the only thing Paul decided to know (2 Corinthians 2:2).  More important than how I am growing in Christ or what I am learning or the trials I am going through is the fact that Jesus Christ lived, died, and lives again to save all of human history.  Done and done!

If Christ is the most important thing in all of life, it follows that the most important thing in my life is my ability to be a better Christian.  Of course salvation does not depend how “good” I am (actually, my salvation depends on how lost I once was).  But I should be striving for my life to be in line with that which is most important in all of life.

Here we could speculate about what being a “better Christian” (“better” meaning better than I am now, not better than someone else) means.  But I think it probably means getting closer and closer to what Christ is like, because Christ is our life (Colossians 3:4).  And as much as we think maturing in our faith means getting further away from the “Sunday school” answers, sometimes that’s really what it comes back to.  Becoming a “better Christian” probably means all of the things you would think it means: Loving people better.  Serving others above myself more.  Being more humble.  Being more faithful.  Becoming more content.  Sharing the Gospel.  Etc. etc.

And so, if the most important thing in life is Christ, and, therefore, the most important thing in my life is becoming more like Christ, it follows that each and every thing in my life should be evaluated according to how it makes me be a better Christian. 

Now, almost anything could either make me a better Christian or not make me a better Christian.  For example—playing guitar.  I could use my guitar to sing praises to God, lead others in worship to Him, bring me together in fellowship with other people, produce joy in my heart, etc.  Or I could spend 23 hours a day playing every Gavin DeGraw song on guitar and never think once about others or Christ.  Extreme example, I know, but I think it proves that most things in life, for this purpose, are not black and white.  Insomuch as something is not inherently evil with no redemptive value, it may hold the ability to make me a better Christian (things like lying, cheating, illicit drugs—I don’t think those things will ever make me a better Christian—just say “no”).

So, a bunch of things could make me more like Christ.  That being said, my concern does not need to be so much with trying to control the different things in my life or overanalyze their role therein (philosophers would definitely use the word “therein”).  My chief concern when thinking about anything in life can simply be, “How can this make me a better Christian?”

How can my relationship with so-and-so make me a better Christian?  How can my job make me a better Christian?  How can my iPhone make me a better Christian?  How can my morning cup of coffee make me a better Christian?  How can going on vacation make me a better Christian?

If something in life isn’t currently contributing to making me a better Christian, I should consider how it could.  Some effort or sacrifice might be involved in adjusting something in my life so that it does make me a better Christian.  And after running that test, if I determine something simply won’t or can’t make me a better Christian, I should thoughtfully consider disengaging it.

I’m not saying life has to become an endless mind game where I am constantly evaluating everything I’m doing.  Actually, I think it makes life simpler and, in some ways, more free to live this way, knowing that everything I do and interact with has a centralized purpose.

Have I been sippin' too much of the mango lassi?  Maybe.  All I know is that I want to be more like Christ each day.  Please, Jesus, make me more like You.

Holy Spirit Embarassment

This afternoon Kylie and I met for a quick coffee break at our usual Bridgeville meeting spot, La Bella Bean (if you’ve ever come to Bridgeville to have lunch or coffee with me, this is also our usual spot—because it’s the only cool place in Bridgeville).  I am so excited because A) The Lord faithfully provided an awesome job for Kylie B) She no longer has to spend five hours a night crafting color-coded PDF updates on her job search (hehe love you, Kylie! J) C) I will now have a new working friend in Bridgeville and D) We will hopefully become regulars at La Bella Bean and they’ll know our order as soon as we walk in.

Anyways, Kylie and I were chatting while I was standing in line to order my afternoon coffee when a cute little girl came running through the door in to the arms of one of the employees.  We wondered what the relationship is between the two girls, and we dropped our voices a bit while commenting that the girl working behind the counter looked too young for that to be her daughter.  I didn’t think much about it until later when I saw the employee nod to us with an upset look and whisper to her coworker that “those girls” had been talking about her and her daughter.

#humbled.

I immediately zoned out of my conversation with Kylie and got a pit in my stomach.  We knew what we had to do.  I believe Kylie even used the phrase “cloak it in love”—#christiangirlproblemz.  So before leaving we quietly apologized to the employee and her coworkers and even stayed and chatted a bit with all of the employees who are so sweet.

Being humbled, even to the point of embarrassment, is such amazing testimony to the Spirit of Christ living inside of me!  After the hard part of apologizing was over (and yes, I think I got hives during my apology), I was so EXCITED to remember that I have the presence of God in me!  I can imagine there are people who could have cared less if they saw others calling them out on their gossip.  There are probably people who would have even fired back (I’m playing out a scene in my head right now where the girl in my position stands up in the restaurant and shouts, “I will cut ‘chu!”…I think I’ve been listening to too much rap music).  But the Spirit inside of me was grieved by knowing that I had done wrong to someone, and He wouldn’t let me leave until I made it right.

It is sooo so so great to live in the light.  Even as I thought about writing this post, I decided it couldn’t wait until tonight because I needed to write while it was still light out.  It’s just better.

Hi(ves), nice to meet you.

I distinctly remember that several years ago I Google’ed “red rash on neck,” hoping there was some legitimate medical abnormality that could explain the blotchy red art that is frequently painted across my neck
and chest.  I thought for sure I could find a WebMd diagnosis, get some treatment, and be on my fair-skinned way.

Not so.  It’s hives.  That’s all.  My porcelain (AKA white) skin is simply prone to breaking out when I am in unfamiliar, uncertain, or uncomfortable situations.  If you’ve known me for any length of time, you are sure to have encountered my scarlet neckline in any number of scenarios.  If you pointed it out—it probably got worse.  You have probably even been invited to “walk and talk” if we had something particularly emotional or heavy to discuss, mostly because it eases my nerves and lets me focus less on the fact that my face is likely turning in to a rose garden.

I wish I could say I have come to be less embarrassed about my blushing, but that’s probably not true.  What I do love, though, is that my hives are always a sure sign that things are getting real.  Being vulnerable, having difficult conversations, surprises, confessing, being honest, talking about things that should have been talked about weeks/months/years ago, facing fears—these are the things that make life dynamic and worthwhile.  These are the living parts of life. 

I have had so many opportunities lately for things to just “get real,” and it’s great.  The Lord keeps me humbled with hives in those moments, but life is so full in the real moments.  Totally worth it.

Battlefield

Some days my mind is a battlefield (what is the Jordin Sparks song reference here?). I feel like all day long I'm thinking and analyzing and re-thinking and feeling discouraged then hopeful then self-conscious then strengthened. I worry, I plan, then I surrender, and I feel victory.

Some days it's a tiring cycle.

But today I was so thankful for this cycle. Scripture talks about the battle:

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but...against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12)

There is a war that is going on for my life--a life that follows Christ. And when I feel it, I remember that it's real. I'd rather wage war and get a little bruised than not feel a thing because I forgot to fight. The enemy doesn't want us to fight.

I don't think I am destined for a life full of nothing but tiring warfare. There is JOY because the battle is won! But there is "a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace." (Ecclesiastes 3)

I am waging war in my mind on behalf of the God who created the earth and sky...not a bad assignment.

[Apologies for the very real post...I blame my new Blogger app that lets me write blog posts on my iPhone as I'm laying in bed falling asleep :) ]