Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Why I want my heart to be broken


There are times when God’s word hits me like a lead bib at the dentist.  It is in these moments that I understand the truth that “man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the Father” (Matthew 4:4).  It is in these moments that I feel foolish for ever getting frustrated that God “doesn’t speak to me,” and I realize that my longings for a booming voice of thunder from God can be satisfied each and every day by the words He is still speaking in His Living Word—the Bible.  Praise Him!

There is a short verse in Ephesians that says “figure out what pleases the Lord” (5:10).  It has always struck me as incredible that He would trust us with that task.  But the picture is so peaceful and comforting—like a dad who watches his precious child learn to walk and can only smile each time the toddler falls back down before getting it just right.  Today God spoke powerfully to me through His word, and I think I just might have “figured out” something about pleasing Him.

I’ve noted before that I am a planner.  I am a “fixer” and a controller.  I like practical solutions.  I have known for awhile that God doesn’t always work that way.  He is outside the realm of the natural, so I have to believe that His “solutions” don’t always fit within the confines of my little brain and imagination.  But despite knowing that, it is still so easy to get caught up in the action plan for how to fix things.

This is true especially in the case of sin.  I’ve noticed in my life that when conviction comes and sin is brought to light, my knee-jerk reaction is “What can I do to fix this?”  I know that in Jesus Christ my relationship with God is “fixed” from sin, but I immediately assume control of figuring out what I must do going forward to keep me from that sin.  Recently I have even deceived myself (and made this all the more confusing) by trying to make “freedom” in to a sort of plan.  e.g. “I don’t want to get too caught up in making a plan or controlling my circumstances so I am deciding to simply live in freedom.”  This might be closer to the truth (see my post on why), but it is still not what pleases the Lord if I am simply substituting “making a plan to get free from sin” with “making a plan to live in freedom”.  Neither of those address the real issue with sin.

The real issue with my sin is that it grieves the heart of God (see Ephesians 4:30).  So when I sin against Him, my heart should be broken:

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17)

God does not want our plans to live in boundaries or in freedom.  He wants our hearts.  And when our hearts belong to God, they should be overwhelmingly distressed by the thought of doing anything that would hurt Him.

“I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.” (Hosea 6:6)

The solution to sin, then—when we have a full “acknowledgement of God”—will not have to be a plan.  If we are really in touch with how much our sin grieves God, we will be motivated to stay far away from it.

Why is this concept so much easier in practice on earth?  I have no trouble being motivated to act in a way that will keep me in good standing with my parents or my friends.  Why is it so much harder with God?—maybe because He seems far away?  We don’t have to literally look Him in the face every day and admit our wrongdoing (like we might have to do with friends and family).  Maybe because we are so clear about His grace and mercy that we forget that He is a jealous God who is deeply affected by our transgressions?  After all, His grace is not a robotic movement that is automatically activated after each time we sin.  He cares, and He feels, and He is hurt by my sin.

Father, let me see Your face clearly before me!  Let my closeness to You be such that I am motivated by love to do everything in my power to never grieve your heart.  And let me never lose my joy and zeal for grace, knowing that You extend it from an affectionate, feeling heart.

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